"in the light of His countenance"

(picture courtesy of laura from our trip to Hawaii)
~this is what i imagine that to look and feel like. deliciously warm. a blanketing glow. vast expanse. utterly opportunistic. freedom.--some days i am so frustrated by my gypsie heart but tonight i realized that the light from His countenance allows space for my wanderings. my ceaseless musings. --where that light falls is where i want to be. always.~

Post College Retreat in Yelm, WA

This past weekend was exceptional! i went with 54 other people from my church to Yelm to get away for a few days. the camp we stayed at had several themed 'mini' camps inside the complex-we were staying at Brightwood Station (a train/train station theme). it was actually really really nice :0)
I like to spend as much time alone as i do with people. sometimes these retreats can be overload for me because you're around people a lot. this weekend was overwhelming but in so many good ways: i met unbelievable people, got to know some people better than before, spent a TON of time alone with God, and by the end, i sorta wanted to stay for another day-just one more...

Saturday we had most of the day to do whatever we wanted. originally, i had planned to go horseback riding-talk about dreamboat for my inner cowgirl-but the ground was too frozen to take the horses out-BUMMER.

instead, i opted to go snowshoeing for the first time and we hopped in the car to head to Mt. Rainier. on the way, we were detoured twice because of weather-related conditions, and we saw 4 accidents. i was so ready to turn around but we kept going and when we actually got there (2 1/2 hours later), it was SOOO worth it. the trail was challenging but not excruciating; well traveled yet pristine. the quiet crunching of snow underneath our feet and the trickle of water that hadn't yet frozen was so relaxing. all the tree branches were sagging, laden with snow, and the colorful winter jackets of my fellow trekkers popped out with brilliance in contrast to the blanket of white.

look at the bulbous icicles!the clan

this was our carfull up and back to rainier, over those trecherous icy roads-yikes

me, katie, laura

evan and wolt

me, kevin, katie, cody, brian

my small group for the weekend: michael, me, katie, christina, and brian


all the photos you see are a combination of ones both Laura and i took. below is a collection that is kinda like a portrait expose. good job, laura!

this is phil. and honest to God, he doesn't use ANY product in his hair-it's so weird.

this is cody. new friend and all around stellar individual and amazing person. laura and her sass jumped infront of the lense for a shot.

kevin doing the heisman-classic.

anna and blake-old friends.


and certainly last but not least, is the story of how we actually got home. megan's car's gear shift broke so anytime you wanted to switch a gear you had to pop the hood. well, the best part about our trip back was that we turned the wrong way out of the camp gate-go figure. so i leaned over from the passenger seat to put my foot on the break, while megan, kevin, laura, maren and brian popped the car into neutral and pushed the blessed "family van" through a 3 point turn. we could not stop laughing; it was so ridiculous!

COLOR

The purest and most thoughtful minds are those which love color the most. -John Ruskin

Colors are the smiles of nature. -Leigh Hunt

All colors are friends of their neighbors and the lovers of their opposites. -Marc Chagall

When i bought my farm, i did not know what a bargain I had in the bluebirds, daffodils, and thrushes; as little did i know what sublime mornings and sunsets i was buying. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Color is a basic human need~like fire and water, a raw material, indispensable to life. -Fernand Leger

Color acts upon the human body: it is the key touched by man to obtain the appropriate vibration from his creative spirit. -Wassily Kandinsky

I found i could say things with color and shapes that i couldn't say any other way-things i had no words for. -Georgia O'Keeffe

It is not the form tha tdictates the color, but the color that brings out the form. -Hans Hofmann

courtesy of my dad :)

it all started with an email...

...to Leatrice Eiseman-yep, that's right. i brazenly decided to just email her because she offers this color training course that i think would be awesome. nevermind that she's among the best in the world-i figured an email had a better chance of getting through to her than a phone call (plus they didn't even give a phone number)-and then i wouldn't sound like a blumbering idiot, either.

i didn't say anything ridiculous, don't worry. i just introduced myself and asked for more information. oh, and i dropped a few names like, Seattle Homes & Lifestyles (who happened to name her in their top 100 more influential people [i worked there at the time]), and you know...Herman Miller, who is kind of a big deal in the design world and who currently employs me :0)

i'm crossing my fingers and hoping that a small window opens.

___________________________________________________

i'd also like to draw your attention to the fact that both teams headed to the superbowl have the SAME TEAM COLORS. red, blue and white. how patriotic! and those also happen to be the official colors of the NFL. so weird.

vs

red is said to be the most 'winningest' team color. they also say that pink diffuses energy and some teams have been known to paint the 'visitor' locker room a pale pink-how mean!!

i'm hoping that the pat's locker room is as ballerina as pink can get...

giddy

today, i felt happy.

i actually felt generally giddy with life for the first time in months.

it's been rough lately.

and that's ok because life sometimes just deals you a tough hand.

we learn more when it's hard.

Jesus shapes us in unique ways during the tough times.

and i'm not certain it's entirely over but today was an unbelievable GUSH of fresh air.

it all started when i 'went to bed' at 10pm on saturday night.

not exactly the party animal...

well, for the next 4 hours i layed in bed unable to fall asleep, despite being tired.

i was, again, lost in thought about what i should be doing in life.

this is an exhausting road to go down but where i'm at now is certainly NOT fabulous...

so i go down this road often (like, every day)

after tossing and turning for a couple of those hours, i got up to putz around on the computer.

google is one of my favorite websites-bottom line.

you can find anything on there and you can also, inevitably, waste a lot of time.

"space planning jobs" was my first search. i like space planning-i just hate counting furniture parts and all the stress. there were some intersting finds. lots of jobs in England :) and Australia.

on one of the side bars, something about color popped up. funny...

until last night, i was at a spot where i wanted to disavow any association with the design world. i thought i just wanted a break. so when the link to the color website came up, i clicked it with a little bit of a "you're so weird for loving color so much and you can't earn a living doing that" attitude. but i couldn't help exploring it.

well, to make a long story short, i was reinspired to pursue opportunities in the field of color. i have no concrete leads yet and i'm desperately trying to hold this with an open hand because who knows...

but it was amazing to feel so alive just reading about color-and realizing that God created a world FULL of color-and that everything is influenced by color-so why not be a part of helping people to figure that out?!

the world's leading color guru, as they call her, Leatrice Eiseman actually lives on Bainbridge Island-go figure. she's written some insightful books and I HAVE ONE OF THEM NOW!

BEWARE-lots of random facts about color may follow in the next few weeks...

recycled can be cute!!

don't hate us because we hug trees; or because our recycle bins are larger than our garbage bins; or because we wear organic cotton and shop at 'natural' markets. it matters and sometimes it even turns out cute. so HA-and if you don't want to hug your tree, i'll do it for you.

girls night

kristen came over on friday, and we made lemon/oregano chicken, garlic broccoli and salad-the wine expert at QFC recommended a fabulous bordeaux to accompany it all and it was delicious!

in her company is always a grand way to spend time :0)

good thoughts

"Money matters but less than we think and not in the way that we think. Family is important. So are friends. Envy is toxic. So is excessive thinking. Beaches are optional. Trust is not. Neither is gratitude."--Eric Weiner

"There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self."--Aldous Huxley

bag lady

do you ever have one of those days when the bags under your eyes feel like they're dragging on the floor?
yeah...

strokes of pink

today was such a mixture of things. a myriad of colored strokes.
i woke up with a back spasm and realized my back was thrown out from some 'heavy' lifting i did yesterday--black (ouch).
i basically crawled to work after managing to roll out of bed, sat there for a few hours, bent over plans while my muscles screamed at me, and then called it a day at 1:30pm-red (alarm).
thankfully, the chiropractor had a spot to squeeze me in. after icing my back and getting an adjustment, i was feeling much better-blue (relief).
the sky was clear and blue with fresh snow on the ground-yellow (delight).
small group was sooo encouraging-green (life).

but my favorite part of the day was driving home from the chiropractor. the sunset was a delicious array of PINKS. with just the slightest hint of gold, the lighting was absolutely perfect. i could not have dreamt it more beautiful. as i pondered how perfect those glimpses of fading light were, i looked up at the sky. [i do that a lot b/c i'm fascinated by it's vastness.] anyway, there was one cloud that was bubblegum pink-a single cloud in an otherwise darkening blue sky-the sunset that i could no longer see was reflecting upwards onto this cloud.
--all i could think was 'strokes of pink'--
a much needed and much appreciated gift for today :)

game night

last friday, my coworker Jen invited me and laura to a game night-we had a blast! here's a few photos :)

let's see: me, zach, brett, jodie, scott, and jen sat in the empty chair b/w zach and brett
there are a few competitive spirits in the group and we had a few lively rounds of 'loaded questions', 'catchphrase', and some weird 'green chip/dice' game that was actually kinda fun.

i have always thought it would be cool to play the guitar. i've even 'attempted' it a couple of times. well, guitar hero gave me another 'chance' to see if i was born to be a rockstar-the answer is NO. i tried it twice and my scores were 28% and 29%--how's that for pathetic?! at least with a pose like that and glowing shoes, i put up a pretty good fake ;0)

not helpful

so i stumbled onto a personality profile through Crown Financial Ministry's website. i'm always curious to know what other's perception of me is (even if it's a computerized test)-it seems to help me learn more about myself and continue in my quest towards personal development. they always tell you to answer the questions or ratings with the first thing that comes to mind-not to analyze too much-HA-have they ever met me?! is that even possible for me?! not likely, but i began with a determination to be as 'quick instinct' honest as i could. after 16 screens of rating 4 character qualities/per page, i hit the "submit" button and held my breath...
now, let me give you a little bit of history. i've taken a number of these tests over the years: sometimes because of a class i was taking and sometimes just because i was intrigued. without exception, i have landed in the middle. the neutral zone, as they call it in warfare. smack middle between introvert/extrovert. smack middle between analytical/creative. smack middle between rules and order/adventurous and wreckless abandon. you get the picture...
i was curious to see what this test had to say-hoping i would have some profound realization about myself and how i was created.
well, have a look:


-----------------------1 -----SCALE ----100 ---------------

Pliable ------------------------------------------------Assertive
Conforming---Adaptive---47---Directing---Decisive
Passive------------------------------------------------Controlling

Modest-------------------------------------------------Outgoing
Quiet----------Reserved---55---Interacting--Convincing
Distant -------------------------------------------------Excitable

Questioning -------------------------------------------Harmonious
Impatient----Objective---48---Supportive--Patient
Critical-------------------------------------------------Lenient

Instictive -----------------------------------------------------------Detailed
Improvised--Unconventional--50 -- Conscientious -Precise
Unorganized--------------------------------------------------------Perfectionist

how's that for inconclusive? within 5 points in either direction...i suppose it just confirms what the other test show. and it's not entirely bad to be 'stuck in the middle' i don't think...but my favorite part about this test was the 'title' and explaination they gave me:
"TRANSITIONAL"
"As indicated on the graph above, most of the scores for this profile fall in the Mid-Range section of the graph. A single Mid-Range score normally indicates a mixture of traits from each end of the continuum for that factor. When there are three or more scores in the Mid-Range, it is unclear which behaviors will be most prominent. Since this pattern of Mid-Range scores falls outside the parameters for any of the sixteen standard Blended Profiles, a complete report is not available. "
i suppose that just means no one can put me in a box-but it sure struck my funny bone-the test can't figure me out as much as i can't figure me out either! what a pair we make!
if you want to try this test for yourself, i highly suggest it (no, seriously, i think it is insightful). go here

**by the way, i babble on here about life-the ups, the downs-and to be honest, when i started blogging i had no idea what a huge part of my life it would become. i have always loved to write, i love to take pictures and share them, i love to speak my mind, and it helps me to 'process'-tremendously. so to whoever reads this, and it might not be anyone except my family, thank you for listening to this ordinary girl. and stay tuned...life seems to just keep going, which means this probably will too :0)**

blue skies and 12th man

today as i drove into work, my heart was bursting with pride for our city. the seattle seahawks fans are known as the 12th man-we're kind of a big deal when it comes to supporting our team, and we're known for how loud we get at games. they talk about it every time there's a home game. teams actually do get thrown off by the noise and sometimes can't hear the play calls in their helmet radios because we cause such a ruckus :0)

the space needle has a HUGE 12th man flag brazenly flying from the top-we are not quiet about our dedication. but i also noticed this morning that one of the high-rise buildings was flying an identical one-this is the first time i've seen a second one up-and can i just say that i have never been more proud to be a Seattlite?!

so despite your football allegiances-you gotta give us props.

the other wonderful thing about today is that there were blue skies-it's been a while and it was really really really really nice to see it!! callie and i are desperately trying to hold our own on the west coast and bring a little Colorado sunshine into the mix :)

well that sucks

i did my taxes tonight and instead of the large sum i anticipated receiving-I GET TO PAY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT MORE MONEY. so lame and disappointing and part of growing up. ugh.

just in case...

...you were all wondering what my new desk looks like!

(i am not so vain as to just take a picture of myself there-i'd rather not be in it-but i had to because i'm doing something for the design alumni website-ok?!)

tonight i was moved. unexpectedly. in a big way.
i had the priviledge of getting a sneak peak at the new sanctuary my church is building. it's nearing completion, and we are anxious to get into the new space. for lots of reasons.
-we have out grown our current space.
-we know that God's leading to build this space means that He resides there.
-we have stepped out in faith to answer God's call to build a place that: brings Him honor, facilitates worship, fosters relationship-locally and internationally, and creates space to feel Him move.
-most importantly, it is a space in which we can fall more in love with Jesus.
--for that is the only way to live. --

several months ago we were able to write down prayers on the concrete foundation-many of them were still visible-some of them were partially covered in sawdust-it made me think about my Savior, who was a carpenter.

i've also decided to add some brown to my blog-as much as i try to escape it, i am stained-brown is a reminder of how desperately i need grace.

weekend with nicole and james

instead of 'the boys are back in town'--it's more like 'my bestie's back in town'
Laura and Kristen and I got to spend all weekend up in Lynden with nicole, james, and both their families-it felt like they hadn't moved away because it's just fellowship to be with them, and it was such a breath of fresh air to laugh until my sides hurt, and crack inside jokes that only make sense because they're actually here.

this is emma, her dog, who pees on the floor everytime you pet her-she's adorable and it's her only saving grace.

old time roommates!

one of my favorite moments with james this break happened at dinner tonight. janelle and andy kindly invited the three of us over for spaghetti and salad. (laura came later after work)
things were going splendidly, and james was to give the blessing for the food. then it happened...the prayer went something like this: "Lord, thank you for this food, the blessing of friends and the time of relaxation over the holidays. and for those of us who are newly married, help us to do well. and for emily. amen"--two couples and me-you do the math---thanks a lot, james! :) we had a good laugh about it afterwards-in fact, i almost fell out of my chair but that's a side note.


And, of course, we had a formal dinner with all the high school friends. it happens every year and as the years have gone by, friends/spouses have been added to the mix. these people feel like a familiar hug to be around.
--pre party shot--

james waited a long time while we primped-nice man.

--group shot--

kristen, so graciously, styled my hair-i'm retarded when it comes to hair

here we are watching some 'so you think you can dance' clips on an ipod

trisha


cool sky on the way back to seattle

i miss you already, nicole!

Amy

There is a woman who knows my heart. who listens to me, weekly, think out loud about anything from work to boys to africa. she makes me laugh; she lets me cry; she challenges my perspective. i get the priviledge of returning the favor-i am so thankful for her!
tonight we had dinner at Il Bistro in Post Alley. delicious pear and gorgonzola ravioli with brown butter sauce and asiago cheese slices, spinach and grape tomatoes. i had a gift certificate so we were able to splurge with this delicious food, wine and dessert. yum!

i decided to post this picture despite the hunk of spinach stuck in my tooth-ha!

back to life....

...back to reality.

had to work today-i ran up/down 3 flights of stairs about 10 times though-i am going to get a workout everyday just being at work :)
i have a good job; i work with a pretty good staff; and i am blessed with job security--that being said, i was hoping to have renewed certainty that i am supposed to be doing this right now-it didn't feel like that today but i'm trying to just be content even though my heart is wandering so much...

...tomorrow is a new day.

A Blank Slate

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

it's 2008-i can't believe that i graduated high school 6 years ago-boy, does that make me feel old! let's just say, at this rate, i will not be attending my high school reunion in 4 years. going to it only means that i acknowlege that i've been out for a DECADE-i can't deal with that yet.

there are some days that i feel completely in my element working as a commercial space planner. and others when it seems i fall prey to many people's assumptions about my age. i walk around feeling like i'm 15 years old and don't have a clue what i'm doing.

last year's marking of the new year was such a refreshing perspective change for me, and i am happy to say that i officially think of my life going by in terms of [january to december] rather than [september to june]-the chronological basis for my life is no longer centered around the school year-my taxes will be much less confusing because of that :0)

as many of you know, one of the things i'm most passionate about is color (surprise, surprise coming from an interior designer). i think it enhances our quality of life. the world would be so boring and unstimulating without color, and our psychological well-being would suffer from a lack of it-this has been historically proven; i also strongly believe that it is one of the ways that beauty is displayed.

aside from all the benefits of color-color can also cause a lot of problems. for instance, the color of our skin still feeds into long-standing assumptions each race has about another; in LA, you can get shot if you're in the wrong neighborhood with the wrong color on; and unfortunately, churches has even broken fellowship over the color of carpet in the sanctuary-ridiculous and petty, i know.

Color has a powerful effect on our lives-whether we're aware of it or not; whether we admit it or not.

as you might have also noticed, my blog is now completely white. void of color.

this last year, i spent a lot of time making plans and dreaming up ideas about how life should go. i spent energy trying to make some of those dreams come true. and in and of itself, there is nothing wrong with dreaming-what would this world be if nobody dreamed?! we would never have gone to the moon; medical advancements would lie undiscovered, and we would not be able to have access to the world through technology like the internet.

many of the dreams i pursued were God-given, i believe. yet the materialization of those dreams was being forced into my timeline. in my relentless pursuit, i encountered a few doors that shut pretty hard. it was a wake up call-it was a reminder that He has plans bigger than what i can imagine. He delights to bring good things to me; but i must be willing to let His purposes color my life-not my own. just like any work of art-there are times when you can't see how the final masterpiece will materialize out of the splashes on the canvas. but it always does, and all of those splashes were necessary elements of the beauty that awaits at the end. the final piece brings acclaim to the artist-i so desire to bring acclaim to my God.

one of my resolutions for this year of 2008 is to only be tainted by the colors of His heart. i don't know what that looks like-even though i desperately would like to.

my favorite color is pink-it's very girly, i know, but it is just so cheery. it is hard to be grumpy around pink things. in fact, they have started painting prison walls a pale pink because it calms down the inmates. fascinating, huh? i am praying that i get to be strokes of pink this year-that i get to bring cheer, hope, and peace to those i encounter; but if i have to be brown or even gray, i will rest i knowing that the Painter's vision is more inspired than my own. and that maybe, as a brown stroke, i will be a tree trunk supporting beautiful, flitting, zesty green leaves-without the trunk, the leaves would be nothing, and would not radiate brilliant fall colors-so to be part of the tree-regardless of which part- i will happily and solidly put forth my best, brown foot :0)

i wish you a colorful new year!